sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
