Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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