He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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