I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
