They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
