She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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