between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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