I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
