so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
