thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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