My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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