Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
