I want to have your abortion
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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