If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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