Kareoke will never be a sober sport
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
