U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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