One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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