I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
