you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
