Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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