My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
sarcasm needs its own font
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
