He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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