For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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