I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
