Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
