I seem to have left my pride at pride
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
