I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
