ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
