im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Acid is not a monday night drug
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
