WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
