Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
