If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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