He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
