If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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