"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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