I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
