he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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