i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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