The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
so let's talk penis.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
