after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
