Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
