my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
