The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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