But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
