Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
