life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
