she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
