Will you blow on my dice?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
