dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
