i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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