we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
