Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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