girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
