Michael Bay diarrhea
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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