after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
