shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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