??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
