Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
