My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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