I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
