hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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